I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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