How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My cat gives me a boner
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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