If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
