he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
