Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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