yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We just shotgunned beers for America
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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