So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
