I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
