Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
