I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
