this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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