I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
