who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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