her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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