If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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