She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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