he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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