so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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