For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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