youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
