Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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