I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
