A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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