I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
