Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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