Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
