Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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