went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
