he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
