I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
