I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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