That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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