is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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