even my farts smell like vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're a waste of cheezeits
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
