AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
