I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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