and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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