I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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