i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
