genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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