Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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