so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
