she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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