I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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