so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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