i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
