I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
