Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
