This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
