Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
